Saturday, December 19, 2009

No Need To Stand Up, I Was Only Passing Through-Dylan

The news spread like a trailer house fire and my resignation came to everyone as a shock. My job was posted on the company web site and it's funny to see all of the people standing in line to take a place I'm grateful to be leaving.
Do you believe in cycles? My Mother was the first to believe in marks in time to ever speak of it to me. She believed that her joys and sorrows came in waves of 7 years. 7 good years, 7 bad years and so on. I wonder what wave she's riding now.
If you follow numerology, I have nine year cycles and I am coming upon a new one in 2010. I believe that the brutal nature of this last cycle causes a chariot like need to plow down my house and storm on. I've been selling and giving away everything. Letting go has a strange therapeutic smells-like- medicine effect on me. Take it away. Leave me a lone.
I'm deuling it out with some old bones and it's not surprising that I've taken a great deal out on Jeanie. We have sex in the hallway. "Fuck you." "No fuck you!" I can't tell you the last time I've had sex with someone other than myself. She's hairy and I'm bored. Last night I read her tarot cards. I never learned to read my own properly so I thought reading Jeanie's would give me a glimpse into my own future.
Great cards. Changes in fortune and fame. Opportunities through Friends and Family. I also saw an inheritance in March. I saw no pain so I told him that he and I would be together in the new year. Lots of travel and celebrations but no break ups.
She's a delicate flower. She's too far gone to ever turn back now. She is not the same person that I met in 2008. There is more moodiness and a need to not be told what to do. She can be defensive and withdrawn. I can be defensive and withdrawn. I need to paint my nails and color my hair and shop for shoes but that would require effort taken from other things that I must do before the end of the month.
In 2010 she will require more than me. She will meet new people that would become important to her. She will be more individual than she ever dreamed of.
I wanna go back to school. I wish she could support me while I did so. I think I'd like to be a sex therapist...or a probation officer. Same difference, right?

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Too Far Gone

Hello Friends.
I woke up at 3 and at 7 I crawled into bed with the crossdresser.
It's a single but the only bed I haven't sold for my freedom.
Some may call it a move but I call things what they really are and I'm buying freedom.
Freedom and the logistics surrounding obtaining freedom is all I can think about.
With everything I sell I feel that much closer.
The house is much emptier and the single bed with a sleeping crossdresser was too cozy to resist crawling into. The pleasure of a crossdresser is sweeter and more divine than a mere mortals.
I could hear rain falling and thunder crashing and I fell into a teenage dream. I opened my back door and found a worn red dirt path that I felt feverishly led to someplace I needed to go. I got in my car but it was too narrow with passing trucks so I took off on a massive bicycle. The road was littered with people and I saw old friends that I had not seen in 20 years but they greeted me and made me smile as if we had never lost touch. Eventually the path led into a covered bridge that led into a restaurant where people were having chicken wings for breakfast and smoking madly. I realized that the path dead ended in the kitchen of this restaurant so I got off the bike only to realize my skimpy night gown was gathered around my middle and I was walking a bicycle in a crowded restaurant with my bare ass showing. It only bothered me for a moment and went back up the dirt path and spoke with young boy peddlers. I awoke before I made it back home.
My workplace feels strange and I don't care to spend much time there. I don't have much time left. I will be giving my notice next week and my last day will be new year's eve. I'm curious as to the reaction of my notice but it will make little difference. I'm too far gone to turn back now-sure that line is from a song but I don't know which one.