Saturday, December 19, 2009

No Need To Stand Up, I Was Only Passing Through-Dylan

The news spread like a trailer house fire and my resignation came to everyone as a shock. My job was posted on the company web site and it's funny to see all of the people standing in line to take a place I'm grateful to be leaving.
Do you believe in cycles? My Mother was the first to believe in marks in time to ever speak of it to me. She believed that her joys and sorrows came in waves of 7 years. 7 good years, 7 bad years and so on. I wonder what wave she's riding now.
If you follow numerology, I have nine year cycles and I am coming upon a new one in 2010. I believe that the brutal nature of this last cycle causes a chariot like need to plow down my house and storm on. I've been selling and giving away everything. Letting go has a strange therapeutic smells-like- medicine effect on me. Take it away. Leave me a lone.
I'm deuling it out with some old bones and it's not surprising that I've taken a great deal out on Jeanie. We have sex in the hallway. "Fuck you." "No fuck you!" I can't tell you the last time I've had sex with someone other than myself. She's hairy and I'm bored. Last night I read her tarot cards. I never learned to read my own properly so I thought reading Jeanie's would give me a glimpse into my own future.
Great cards. Changes in fortune and fame. Opportunities through Friends and Family. I also saw an inheritance in March. I saw no pain so I told him that he and I would be together in the new year. Lots of travel and celebrations but no break ups.
She's a delicate flower. She's too far gone to ever turn back now. She is not the same person that I met in 2008. There is more moodiness and a need to not be told what to do. She can be defensive and withdrawn. I can be defensive and withdrawn. I need to paint my nails and color my hair and shop for shoes but that would require effort taken from other things that I must do before the end of the month.
In 2010 she will require more than me. She will meet new people that would become important to her. She will be more individual than she ever dreamed of.
I wanna go back to school. I wish she could support me while I did so. I think I'd like to be a sex therapist...or a probation officer. Same difference, right?

2 comments:

Jamiegottagun said...

I use a little bit of numerology myself; don't know anything about tarot.

You DON'T want to be a probation officer (I hope that was a joke). My cousin is one, and it's not a job for a sensitive person like yourself. It would quickly either ruin you, or make you more jaded and cynical than you ever thought possible of yourself.

The Crossdresser's Girlfriend said...

It was a joke.
Ooooh Jamie!
I haven't seen you out in ages!!!