Just when I was prepared to take a day off to seek out the perfect new home for my gang of girls, I lucked into a beautiful house two streets down in my neighborhood. I'm leaving the corner of New Jersey for the corner of Independence. I should be settled in by the third of March.
A month later, Jeanie and I will be heading to New York for his Baby Sister's wedding. I am a bit nervous. I have yet to meet his family. Historically, I do not get along well with mother types due to my inability to bond with the one I call Momma. She is by far the complicated relationship in my life and after years of pain and anguish I have all but given up on finding a way to give it a happily ever after.
A friend of mine who is a true Monk archetype, says I was born under the Sitting Buddha and that I must learn everything on my own and teach it to others. I believe this to be true. Despite being abandoned by my own mother at the tender of age of 7 and forgotten long before that, my daughter never fails to tell me that I'm the coolest Mom ever and more; more a best friend and the one she can truly depend upon. Sometimes in the absence of something, we learn its true definition.
The Scene Girl is such an angel; its not hard to want to protect and love and understand her beauty and joy and kindness. She's a good kid who makes good grades and is very self governing and independent. She's protective of the weak; understanding of everyone. She loves my Momma based on her own experience not mine and I respect her for that.
Jeanie started his new job yesterday. He came home all preppy and boy and excited like it was the first day of school. He wants to make pink cupcakes for Thursday's Valentines Day themed pot luck at work because "it might be the only time I can make something pink and it be acceptable." I think pink should always be acceptable.
I scolded him for the condition I found the house in and that was all that was required. He quickly sat down and made a list of to do's before preparing the coffee maker for this morning so all I had to do was press a button.
I'm a lucky motherless child. Loved orphan. Misfit mom. Crossdresser's Girlfriend

Bad Girl? Bad Boy?

Deep down, I think Matt is fascinated by my alternative lifestyle.
A submissive himself, I taunt him with sweet sordid details.
Today we had lunch together in the break room.
He complained that I don't eat my sushi correctly. I tell him soy is too salty; it's yummy and spicy and that's what matters.
I told him about how we lost Jeanie's breasts to my 13 year old who hasn't grown her own yet.
"Does Jeanie wear women's underwear all the time?"
"Unless he's being punished."
He laughed. It's true though. He enjoys all things feminine. I haven't found the one revolving fascination like most CDs have. For some it seems to be panty hose, others shoes, but for him it's everything though he has a thing for corsets maybe a little more than most.
To take any quality of femininity away from him is punishment and this plays with me. I hate to deny him anything but I don't think I've been strict enough lately. He's leaving me little hints that he's longing for me to put my high heeled foot smack down on the middle of his back and take a stroll.
Hints like not keeping the house as tidy as I like. The laundry is behind and my my clothes are clumsily out of order (color coded by garment type-tank tops to full length dresses and coats). I was late to work on Friday because my favorite pair of jeans were mingled in a stack of his jeans. Lazy has replaced his obedience. He's whining at simple requests....like a brat...like a boy and I'm at the end with all this bad behavior.
I am not sure as to what is required. Take away his panty and bra privileges? Spank his bottom a pretty pink?

Today, Cousin David called me to say that he saw Shawn on Saturday. Shawn is the most gorgeous gay man I've ever had the pleasure of sharing the same air with and I adored him almost immediately. I don't know if I should say he's gay. I don't think he's all the way gay. When gay men kiss you, there's no taste just like kissing little boys when I was little. When I've kissed Shawn there was definitely a taste. He certainly likes other men and he's very active in the gay community in issues that others don't begin to bring up. I admire him in many ways but I adore him for the way his body always goes limp when he sees me as if I'm just too much and he says, "Oh My God there She is..."
So David says he's well and he asked about me. He said, "David, I have to see Joni. I want a baby. I'm ready for a baby and I've decided she's the perfect one to give me one. I want her to be the mother of my baby."
This thrilled me and I think I twirled it around on my finger all morning and even caught myself smiling and giving out kindness from the fact that Shawn would actually want me to mother his child. That's so beautiful. How could there be any greater compliment? There isn't one. I wonder how Jeanie would feel about me giving a baby to Shawn. He never puts rules on me and while I am most pleased to have one beautiful daughter and no more, I believe that someone as wonderful as Shawn deserves a child to love as I have loved The Scene Girl.
It was a good day.
Jeanie starts work tomorrow.
I picked him up B12 on the way home. We need nail polish remover but I did remember dog food and I'm trying to talk him into giving the bearded ladies baths and a good grooming tonight. It's so warm and beautiful out.

Saturday night, Jeanie and I watched the first episode of RuPaul's Drag Race. Coincidentally, we had been at Legends the night before and caught the amateur drag show hosted by none other than Victoria "Porkchop" Parker; the first contestant voted off. Tonight, I made a dish for dinner in her honor. I was sad to see Ms. Parker voted off so early on. She's a whole lotta woman and I bet you dimes to doughnuts that none of the costumes brought in for that challenge were going to fit a 300 pound drag queen. The sleeker drag queens had an advantage. I watched her perform on Friday night and she was stunning. She really is the Paula Deen of Drag; funny and charming and has amazing talent. She finished the show with Jennifer Hudson's "Spotlight" and walked away with more cash than she alone could carry. The episode put her in a dim light but I assure you that she was better than the show portrayed. In her honor, I made pork chops for dinner tonight.

For those of you who watched my video of Friday night, you may think that Jeanie was so drunk that he couldn't walk but it wasn't so much the booze. He was buzzed but that wasn't really it. For the last week or so, he's had tingling and numbness in his left foot. At times, he can't feel it at all which combined with the drinks, made walking to the car very difficult. It's really freaking us out. An acquaintance of mine was recently diagnosed with MS following similar symptoms. It began after a night in cheap heels and I want to think that he pulled a muscle or something. He says he's in no pain but if the numbness persists, we'll have to visit the doctor.

We are amazingly happy and I think it's our cynical nature to expect a shoe to drop. He keeps talking about it and I tell him not to feed into it and yet, I find it in my mind as well. I'm actually blogging about it.

I finally broke a 1,000 views and have accumulated a few followers. I don't think I'm any closer to finding other females like myself. I've come to the conclusion that other females like myself don't really enjoy the company of other females just as I don't.

Going to Legends on Friday, I was floored at how many gay men made it a point to approach and openly embrace me. Jeanie says this happens everywhere we go but I think it definitely happens in the gay community much more frequently. Perfect gay strangers would flirt and swirl me around like a doll. For a long time I was single. I tried to date but never got beyond the third with any one. I might have been lonely had it not been for so many gorgeous gay men who kept me company until I found Jeanie. There was affection but it was never sexual though sometimes I found myself crushing on a few of them.

I spotted a cross dresser almost immediately after entering Legends. I couldn't get much out of her, but once she met Jeanie she was a real chatter box. They made fast friends once I pressed Jeanie to ask her to dance. Sharon is married. I asked her if her wife knew. She said yes, but that she didn't like it all. "She's attracted to my male side; not the me that wears dresses and lipstick."

There was no question that Sharon was a male. I have a quick eye for these things so I was absolutely shocked when this beautiful blond creature kissed me and I felt stubble. I truly believed my friend Adam and I had been dancing with a lesbian all night. When I realized she was a male to female, I was so rude! I actually grabbed her breasts and asked what she had in there. She said, "You know what's in there" and kissed me again. While I was quick to find a cross dresser, Blondie was quick to see that I was someone who could openly accept her.

Life is a beautiful adventure where very few things are as they appear to be.

An UNO Night

Taking Out My Crossdresser

This is not Jeanie.

This is Monica.

She was sitting in a corner all alone and I absolutely could not resist her. It was her first time out in a short mini skirt and heels and I absolutely could not resist her. I told Jeanie I had to kiss her. Jeanie stood close and watched. Afterwards, Jeanie touched my arm and said, "Kiss her again. I'll take your picture." Later he admitted to feeling jealous and aroused all at once but not in balanced proportions. For me, the moment was exhilarating. I had found a lover who didn't desire to chain my passionate impulses or whose love couldn't be threatened by seeing me display affection to another. Love came with a lot of freedom for me and I wish it for everyone. It makes me sad to think of the Monicas out there who feel they cannot be everything that they are in broad daylight. I can't get my mind around the secrecy of the transgender world. I sometimes wonder if the secrecy is part of the appeal which is even harder for me to understand because living out loud is just.so.much.fun.