The Magician's Assistant

I got up this morning with every intention of going to work. I showered. I sat in front of my vanity and painted my face like I've done a million times but after I dried my hair upside down and pulled on panties and high heels and just you're typical office girl getting ready stuff, I felt like that chick the magician saws in half. Jeanie asked why I bothered. Ironically, I requested the first week in October off three months ago. It was approved so technically, I don't have to go back to work until Monday. I wanted to just because this whole thing has really eaten up my paid time off but Jeanie works and we don't have any bills except household expenses. I know the medical bills will be showing up soon but Fiddle Dee Dee and Scarlett O'Hara to all of that. Today I'm sore and just can't go around in heels all day. I need to make myself well-completely so.

I think yesterday was an off day for a lot of people reading the blogs that I read. I read more than I comment on which is something I thought I would never do but it's fact pure and simple. Some are harder to read than others and I think that's because it skirts around the hips of my own issues. Jeanie and I fought terribly last night. There wasn't absolute ounce of understanding between us. I wasn't getting him and he wasn't getting me and for pure distraction we made passionate love until we passed out. Actually, I had to get up. Lately, sex regenerates me instead of the usual roll over and cuddle me thing.

I am not sure we are any further along in making peace despite the making love thing. Jeanie woke up in cranky boy mode cringing with irritability and dripping with discontent. I couldn't get him to talk. Last night, he had plenty to say. He even played this song from NIN (ringfinger I think) about being like my Jesus and some such nonsense and screaming that I never want to hear negativity which makes it impossible for him to release what haunts his tragic transgender soul.

Oh Bother.

Good Grippy Grief.

The funny thing? I can trace all of this back to an off-hand remark I made about this guy.

I've had a hollywood crush on him since we spent a summer in Chicago together. Okay-he was with Jennifer Aniston and I was with Rich Ray but humor me and go along with it. While flipping channels on the flipping tv I found a dancing Vince Vaughn in that Christmas flick. I will watch said flick just to watch Vince Vaughn dance with elves I think he's so hot. So, I say what maybe should have stayed in my head but was something..oh...along the lines of....."He's so tall and gorgeous! I just wanna sit on top of him and twirl!!!!"

Jeanie immediately questioned this saying "How can you be attracted to him when he's so masculine?" Jeanie is so unjealous. I can kiss gay boys and I've told him flat out that I wish I could be a female polygamist and just have a house full of crossdressers to tickle and love and squeeze and call my very own and he's totally suspiciously okay with that.

We are not swingers or anything gross like that but he allows me to act out some of my fantasies and seems to understand that it's not really in my nature to believe I am only supposed to love one person. I'm completely commited to Jeanie but I think there are others that need my love too and one day I will meet them and give them what they need for however long that is.

Jeanie's whole day went to shit after that. He just could not believe that I still dig on masculine men but that's just me and noone will ever talk me out of Vince Vaughn not that I'd ever want to keep him. Men are trouble and alot of work and they want you to make them sandwiches and never like the same tv shows that you do. They fall dead after orgasm and forget to even care if your back has arched or not.

So the Vince remark was made and he turned into a boy and said things like he didn't know if he was man enough for me and was scared that I didn't want him anymore and bought beer and pouted and didn't want to do anything but fight with me. Yuck.

I spoke with him a moment ago and he sounds better. More like a crossdresser. Less like an asshole.

We'll see.

In other news-I've lost three pounds since last week.

I'm bored so call me if you know my number or chat with me online.

Until then,

I think I'll make jewelry and watch Heroes.