The Tallest Woman I'd Ever Seen

On September 3, my Nanna has cataract surgery. I've taken the day off in hopes I can help her be comfortable. I think I might take the opportunity to tell her about The Crossdresser. She knows him. Of course she knows him. She makes it a point to call him by his given name every chance she can and my heart swells every time. She says it with a wonderful reverence. It was her brother's name, the one who died when he was only 20.

Nanna was the one who told me that there were men who liked to wear dresses in the first place. I was eight years old. Nanna opened a sewing and alteration business when I was a baby. Her Mother was bed ridden and sewing was a way that they spent time together. The business did well and customers came from as far as Raleigh for her expertise with a needle and thread. In the back of her shop, she set up a magical room for my sister and I with our own sewing machines, boxes full of dress up clothes from the 40s as well as wigs from old aunties. I learned to runway in heels in that shop.

One Saturday afternoon, a large woman came in with bolts of shiny material for glamorous evening gowns. After she left, I told Nanna that she was the tallest woman I had ever seen! Nanna said she didn't think her customer was a woman in any kind of traditional sense. The customer called a month later and said her brother would be picking up the dresses. The same luxury car pulled up but a man in a suit picked up the dresses after inspecting them with incredible knowledge of dresses. He gave my Nanna a $100 tip and said his sister would be so pleased. Many large ladies showed up after that wanting fabulous dresses of their own.

Nanna never looked upon this as strange or wrong. People are as different as the dresses she made. I have always respected Nanna for respecting people for their individuality and yet, she is probably the only person in my family who is not aware of this special attribute in my Soul Mate which is kind of strange since she probably knows more Crossdressers than anyone in my family.

I have never wished that Jeanie would have showed up earlier. I am aware that my life was filled with many lessons and experiences that would later prepare me for being a Crossdresser's girlfriend.

Love is never late.

Love is always right on time.

I'm a better person for being a Crossdresser's girlfriend.

In ways, I feel I've outgrown current circumstance and long to live bolder and brighter than I ever could have before Jeanie.

I'm just waiting for that psychedelic school bus to arrive at the corner to take me to the next fantastic destination.

I long for positive change.

For me.

For you.

I'm Not Above Bitch-Slapping a Drag Queen

When I wrote my last blog, I didn't realize I was angry.

It felt like a flesh wound, but obviously it went much deeper.

I was angry, but what has had me tiffed was not mentioned in the blog at all.

Friday Night, I watched my Crossdresser experience discrimination for the first time.

I should tell you that I fell in love with Gee as Jeanie: This far-away Crossdresser who expressed her inner Diva in You Tube Videos I found when I searched "Crossdresser Girlfriend". I was dating another Crossdresser at the time and was searching out a mirror of sorts. What I found was my Soul Mate and I watched their story expressed in about two hours worth of videos. I didn't know this was what I was watching at the time. I only knew I was fascinated and quite envious of the girlfriend who appeared in some of the videos. I was envious AND critical. I could feel that she was uncomfortable in her participation. It wasn't a good fit for her and I pitied Jeanie for not having more support.

A couple of days later I ran into Jeanie's myspace page through JeniferX, another youtube crossdressing great. When I added Jeanie, she sent a comment and we began emailing one another with sweet abandon of all the rules of communication between strangers. I learned that Jeanie and the girlfriend had broken up months before. I was intrigued and attracted but no one could have told me that it could be anything more than that. Jeanie was all the way in New York and I couldn't imagine that she would ever be happy in the south.

For the most part, I have been pleased with the way Jeanie has been recieved by my friends and community. The fear that Jeanie had in going out as a girl quickly vanished. It didn't take long before Jeanie would go out most anywhere although full on girl was always a little more easy at parties and at my favorite gay club.

I am probably the gayest straight woman out there; a real fag hag only rivaled by maybe Madonna and Margaret Cho whom I adore for reflecting my absolute adoration at the sweet company of gay males. I love drag shows and a few float about my social circle although usually not in drag. They look more like pretty boys who have been forced into feminizing in a prison setting. Friday night they were out in full make up and their best wigs for amateur night. Most are regular acts and served as judges.

It was not part of our agenda to enter Gee in the show. For as long as we've been together we've talked about it but I think she saw her moment and just went with it in what I refer to as one of her Church camp blouse and skirt get ups.

The Queens gave her a song she didn't know and slung her in the 7th and final slot. I was so nervous. In my mind I was reeling with what I would have done to help her prepare if I'd only known that she was going to do it but the show goes on, right?

She took that stage and gave it everything she had. Was she the best? No but was she all girl? Absolutely. From the stage she looked like a secretary who was letting loose at Karaoke with her girlfriends. She was beautiful and outrageous and shockingly comfortable. Dollars flew around and I loved her so much more.

She didn't place. My favorites didn't place at all. If they looked remotely natural, they didn't place no matter how good they performed. It was like an ugly gay boy pageant and that's what pissed me off. It was almost as if she was penalized for being straight and not having to wear a wig.

Well, she's not done. I am going to get totally behind her and make the Drag Queens look silly. Nothing appeals to me more than to watch the under girl win and she will. I have all sorts of images dancing in my head but none of the images conform to typical drag queen rules. What will that do for the other crossdressers in the world? Somebody needs to kick that door in and I'm wearing the high heel that can do it.

This is when I wish there was a community to call upon. There isn't one. Crossdressers have remained so illusive. They've remained a dirty secret when there is nothing dirty about it at all. There are so many crossdressers I love and admire. I would strut them all out of main street if they were my girls...even if they were not. Instead they live in fear of leaving the comfort of their own homes. Some don't even know that pleasure. I hate photos taken in hotel rooms. They are so sad and depressing to me and this is WHY it's the dirty secret. They are truly the 2 percenters.

Don't get me wrong about the gay community. If it were not for the gay community, Jeanie and I would have very little social interaction at all. There were those there that saw how special she truly is. So many people made it a point to tell her she was great even if she was snubbed by the "real" drag queens. For Jeanie it was a dream come true. For me it wasn't. I saw the prejudice attitudes and it's in my very nature to determine to destroy them.

I will. One Drag Show at a time...

No Club I'd Belong TO

The Sweet Finds of a Crossdresser's Girlfriend.

With a title like that, you kind of box yourself into a transsexual corner, dontcha?

Hell yes, you do!

I've tried to get away with a few other topics but mostly I talk about Gee.

Sometimes she a girl and sometimes he's a real guy and I love Gee just the same.

I began this blog in hopes of finding more chics like me.

There are none.

We're out there on a limb and it's shaking, Baby.

I've become addicted to a few bloggers out there. I don't comment a lot mostly because fuck it I have nothing to compare against your equation. You don't get me either so we're even. If you really wanna be a woman : PULL UP YOUR BIG GIRL PANTIES AND GET ON WITH IT! I don't feel sorry for you and neither should you! Everybody is born broken. We're all aliens trying to find home inside ourselves. You are no different.

I definitely live an alternative lifestyle but I'm not a member of the trans community. I didn't love anyone by default. I'm not above plastic surgery but I want more not less. I have a girlfriend with a righteous cock and it will stay that way until never notice.

This week I got an email asking me to comment on their blog. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?!!! I thought it was incredibly rude since this blogger makes it a point to say they've been reading my blog but you think I've gotten any comments? NO! Not one in probably...well maybe ever. Shame on you. I would be less insulted if you asked for a hand job since you bought me dinner. Just for the record, I gave a hand job. It will be my last. I promise.

I think I'd like to have a blog that is more revealing of all that I am instead of what I am not.

Brad Pitt for Mayor

If Brad Pitt becomes the Mayor of New Orleans, I'm moving.
No ifs, ands or buts.
I can't be bothered to explain why.
Google it.
I just needed to state that.
It's very good to state things.
Words have power but more to the point, giving thoughts efflected voice bring about the birth of blessings.
In other words, it makes all your wildest dreams come true.
These days I hear it being called The Law of Attraction.
My people were quicker to call it, "Speaking it into Existence".
Life is good these days for the Crossdresser and Me and the floppy eared Imperial Goddess.
We have peace and quiet when we want it.
We wake up together and set about adventures.
We eat sushi and play girlfriends and watch True Blood together.
I make her wear a maid uniform when She cleans the house.
She pulls at my toes for as long as I want.
We work a lot but next paycheck I owe noone and can buy a Miata if I want.
It's red and a convertible just like I talked about.
I want Mandy to move in with us.
I feel this need to protect her and bring her about just like I always talked about.
I feel I have outgrown my job.
I want to start fresh and use all that I have learned about people and find a new place to rule.
I dreamed I seduced a short haired red-haired 19 year old. I knew she was too young but I could not resist playing with her on my knees while she layed sprawled on her bed. It was over much too fast.
I dreamed I hung out with MY Company President and two nights later I walked into a Wine Bar and there He was. I have great admiration for him. He's not quite human to me. That's probably a dangerous perspective. I've done this in the past only to be disappointed to learn people really are ...just people. They are capable of the same fucked-up behavior as you display and it gets you in the pit of your peach fuzzy heart.
I have taken off my birthday for the first time since I began at my job.
I also took a week off in October to gallivant off to finish unfinished business.
Only I realized lately that the unfinished business IS done.
It's over and there's nothing to run off to work on.
I'm also thinking that my job is to go out in new directions.
I'd like to end up someplace new and unguarded.
I want to find a yard to run and play and go inside when the street lights come on.
I liked California.
Chicago but there's nothing left to do there.
Gia doesn't like Florida while it suited me just fine.
I want to be closer to Cousin Mark and David.
I want to jump in the Miata and meet them for coffee.
Today they stopped in.
We ate Veggie pizza and I explained why I know I'm much older now.
Physical changes have began and I'm okay with that.
It's alright if you hold it up to the light just right.
Thursday night I painted pottery and told the girls what it's like to live with a crossdresser.
I never know who I'm coming home to.
I might find Jesus. I might find Angelina Jolie.
Either way I win.
Brad Pitt for Mayor of New Orleans!

Cross Dresser has Blue Balls

There's a great scene in the thirteenth minute of Mr Magorium's wonder emporium where a little boy goes into a dressing room with a little red toy soldier costume and comes out dressed as a princess! I thought I'd find it on YouTube for sure but no. I still have to tell you about it. I like this movie a lot!

So tonight, she tells me that her panties are not fitting so well.

She asks if balls get bigger.

I tell her that's blue balls.

"You just need LOVE!" I say.

She flips her hair and over her shoulder she says, "It's okay. I don't mind. I always want to..you know...but it's okay if we don't."

She says it in such a way that I want to put the I in the quote in lower case. I love that bashful and blushing girl at Bible Camp demeanor of hers.

I love that when people speak of my cross dresser that they never refer to a specific sex. No her or him or man or woman. Just person. Just a beautiful soul.

This week I got the invitation of all invitations. A group of gals asked me to join them on their "Girls Night Out". Shelly asked in an email after she apologized for sending me a reference she met at a bar who won't stop calling for an interview who I found a serious rap sheet when I poked around in his background! I called her a lush and voila! She asks me to go on the outing. One by one, each of the gals came to my desk and told me how excited they were to have me come along. The event is POTTERY followed by Irish Drinking. I asked if my boyfriend could come if he wore a dress. They unequivocally said, "YESSSSSSS!" And they would, because long ago I made it a point to surround myself with colorful charismatic creatures rubber banded together with love and understanding and pink shoe strings.

I'm off to watch more mr magorium's wonder emporium and make love to a man in a dress.

Good Night, Sweet Girl.

Tori Amos

The CrossDresser went to a Tori Amos concert on Friday night. Adam had an extra ticket and I am not a fan. I find her mystical and dig on some of her phrases, but I haven't fallen for her as so many people in my circle have. After the concert they stood in the rain for two hours hoping to see her board the tour bus. She never did.

"If she had asked me to get on the bus, would it have been okay?"

Finally. Sweet Girl finally admitted to being attracted to another woman.

Personally, I find these things healthy while not quite identifying any current crushes of my own. There is a guy at work but I've been fond for years so I consider him to be unfinished business. We almost had a thing until he learned his ex girlfriend was pregnant. I respect him for resuming the relationship though I'm aware that it's far from a happily ever after. I think it's mostly physical though. Lust in a pink haze. When we talk I get bored.

Nothing boring about Gia though we don't have a need to talk all the time. Sometimes we just yell across the house to check in with one another. When she isn't home-I miss her crazy. It's a relaxing day with Gia coming home and Adam on the way.

Adam is my favorite straightest gay friend ever. He surrounds himself with straights while I surround myself with gays. It's a hoot. He's coming over to catch up on True Blood. He just moved into a new apartment with a new love (but that's a complicated story) and he doesn't come over as often as I wish he would.

When he does I'm always inspired to burn incense and cook exotic dishes. It's a perfect day to enjoy what I have. Tomorrow I can aspire to all that I want. Today I am grateful for love and peace and sweet leisure.

I wanted to go blond but now I'm not so sure.

Maybe I should keep the scarlet.

Like Tori. (wink)

Relax

I'm always busy reinventing myself and occasionally I suffer from growing pains. I set such high expectations on myself and it's exhausting. I'm tired. Last night Gia said, "Do us all a favor and just relax a minute."
Who is us?
The thing is I could be better.
I just know I could and I don't mind pushing myself in that direction if I could just stay on track and not get lost...not get frustrated.
The one grand area I have no problem with is with Gia and therefore, I will meet her request.
I will relax for a minute.