Sunday, August 23, 2009

I'm Not Above Bitch-Slapping a Drag Queen

When I wrote my last blog, I didn't realize I was angry.

It felt like a flesh wound, but obviously it went much deeper.

I was angry, but what has had me tiffed was not mentioned in the blog at all.

Friday Night, I watched my Crossdresser experience discrimination for the first time.

I should tell you that I fell in love with Gee as Jeanie: This far-away Crossdresser who expressed her inner Diva in You Tube Videos I found when I searched "Crossdresser Girlfriend". I was dating another Crossdresser at the time and was searching out a mirror of sorts. What I found was my Soul Mate and I watched their story expressed in about two hours worth of videos. I didn't know this was what I was watching at the time. I only knew I was fascinated and quite envious of the girlfriend who appeared in some of the videos. I was envious AND critical. I could feel that she was uncomfortable in her participation. It wasn't a good fit for her and I pitied Jeanie for not having more support.

A couple of days later I ran into Jeanie's myspace page through JeniferX, another youtube crossdressing great. When I added Jeanie, she sent a comment and we began emailing one another with sweet abandon of all the rules of communication between strangers. I learned that Jeanie and the girlfriend had broken up months before. I was intrigued and attracted but no one could have told me that it could be anything more than that. Jeanie was all the way in New York and I couldn't imagine that she would ever be happy in the south.

For the most part, I have been pleased with the way Jeanie has been recieved by my friends and community. The fear that Jeanie had in going out as a girl quickly vanished. It didn't take long before Jeanie would go out most anywhere although full on girl was always a little more easy at parties and at my favorite gay club.

I am probably the gayest straight woman out there; a real fag hag only rivaled by maybe Madonna and Margaret Cho whom I adore for reflecting my absolute adoration at the sweet company of gay males. I love drag shows and a few float about my social circle although usually not in drag. They look more like pretty boys who have been forced into feminizing in a prison setting. Friday night they were out in full make up and their best wigs for amateur night. Most are regular acts and served as judges.

It was not part of our agenda to enter Gee in the show. For as long as we've been together we've talked about it but I think she saw her moment and just went with it in what I refer to as one of her Church camp blouse and skirt get ups.

The Queens gave her a song she didn't know and slung her in the 7th and final slot. I was so nervous. In my mind I was reeling with what I would have done to help her prepare if I'd only known that she was going to do it but the show goes on, right?

She took that stage and gave it everything she had. Was she the best? No but was she all girl? Absolutely. From the stage she looked like a secretary who was letting loose at Karaoke with her girlfriends. She was beautiful and outrageous and shockingly comfortable. Dollars flew around and I loved her so much more.

She didn't place. My favorites didn't place at all. If they looked remotely natural, they didn't place no matter how good they performed. It was like an ugly gay boy pageant and that's what pissed me off. It was almost as if she was penalized for being straight and not having to wear a wig.

Well, she's not done. I am going to get totally behind her and make the Drag Queens look silly. Nothing appeals to me more than to watch the under girl win and she will. I have all sorts of images dancing in my head but none of the images conform to typical drag queen rules. What will that do for the other crossdressers in the world? Somebody needs to kick that door in and I'm wearing the high heel that can do it.

This is when I wish there was a community to call upon. There isn't one. Crossdressers have remained so illusive. They've remained a dirty secret when there is nothing dirty about it at all. There are so many crossdressers I love and admire. I would strut them all out of main street if they were my girls...even if they were not. Instead they live in fear of leaving the comfort of their own homes. Some don't even know that pleasure. I hate photos taken in hotel rooms. They are so sad and depressing to me and this is WHY it's the dirty secret. They are truly the 2 percenters.

Don't get me wrong about the gay community. If it were not for the gay community, Jeanie and I would have very little social interaction at all. There were those there that saw how special she truly is. So many people made it a point to tell her she was great even if she was snubbed by the "real" drag queens. For Jeanie it was a dream come true. For me it wasn't. I saw the prejudice attitudes and it's in my very nature to determine to destroy them.

I will. One Drag Show at a time...


Stephanie said...

I've been going to the local gay bar for over 30 years. For the first 25 or so, my wife would go with me. We never missed a show. Since the queens knew that I was straight, or so they thought, (bi actually) they never treated me the same as the gay queens. When I finally started to transition, it was the same thing. Gay men, when in a dress or not, look down on anyone who isn't gay. Breaking into that club is impossible, and even being bi won't grant you entrance. It took me years to understand that, and much heartache about being an outsider.

Melissa said...

Jeanie had a lot of courage to get up on stage in a drag show. Drag Queens have an entirely different mindset than crossdressers, or transsexuals. Drag queens are performers, and natural born exhibitionists, and that penchant for exhibitionism, can drive them to extremes, often to point of making a mockery of femininity, rather than celebrating it. Some of them resemble clowns, more than women. Jeanie will probably have to vamp it up considerably, to impress those drag judges.


Petra Bellejambes said...

Dear GF

So much to comment on here... Drag Shows vary place to place and night to night of course, but I have always felt them to have a measure of revenge in them that cheapens the "tribute". You know, " ...yeah we all love Judy or Cher but at some level we are poking fun at them ...."

In this setting a natural, unaffected beauty faces the same problems as Mary Ann on Giligans Island or Bailey Quarters on WKRP. How do you stand out stand out when you are stanging next to a spectacle, and much of the audience wants a spectacle?

I have seen the same pretty girl lose out to the Diva with the warpaint and the outsized bazoombas time and again. But as a straight crossdresser in a gay bar, I feel like a bit of a stowaway, and try not to get too upset about the local customs. Live and let live etc.

As to we CD's and community, I wish we could just get a lucky roll of the dice, pass go, collect $200, not require "community" and just be "out" when it suits us without being "out" having any negative impact on our social, work, and family prospects.

We do require community. Thanks for building one around your blog and your thoughts.

And may I suggest as a little drag show fun? You, Jeannie and friends should find a Drag KIng show some night in a nice lesbian bar. Make sure that Jeannie is at the end of the bar closest to the stage. Watch the very nice performers all dolled down as typical bar crawling macho guys totally hit on her.

This is a setting where a natural beauty does get some attention. I think you would both have a blast.

Cheers - Petra

chrissie said...

Yes... My own experience is along the lines others have outlined. I learned to avoid the specifcially "gay male" nightclubs, a long while back.

They were OK with outrageous "drag queens", that esentially mocked women, but they were certainly NOT OK with trans-women.

The whole "drag act" thing seemed to revolve around taking the piss out of women, and so it comes as no surprise to me that the OTT acts were the ones that scored highest in that environment.

Don't let it get you or Jeanie down, cariad. If anything, the fact that Jeanie failed to place is such a "contest" is actually a VERY positive thing. The last person they were gonna vote for was someone who actually looked and behaved like a real woman.


Kamagra Oral Jelly said...

Hi, I just wanted to say that I enjoyed reading this post so much! Please, can you tell me who did that drawing? I loved it!