Monday, November 9, 2009

Get Behind Me Satan

Mandy is the only gender girl I can take for more than 15 minutes at a time. Taking her along on a sticky sweet candy corn weekend as absolutely the best! I came up with the halo of Christmas star tinsel was my idea. I'm a pretty smart girl.

Except when I'm not.

Our goal was to take loads of pictures with Michael Jacksons but we mostly took pictures of Mandy kissing gay boys. She is an excellent gay boy kisser.

At the after hours club I locked eyes with a very tall drag of a girl standing in the doorway. I later found him sitting by himself so I grabbed his hand and took him upstairs to read his tarot cards. We sat on that couch and I twirled locks of his wig around my finger. He's not trans. I don't think he's even a cross dresser. I really think it was just a costume. I think a crossdresser's girlfriend would know.

The experience left me a little side ways. I miss men. I miss their smell and the silly way they try to charm you. The roar. The thunder. A Lion not a Lamb even if the Lion was sitting there in bad drag.

The powerful dominance of his presence was warm and pleasing. Our flirty conversation oozed with testosterone and I realized I miss that.

I don't know what to do about it.

I guess I'm lucky the night ended quickly and I'll probably never see him again.

Even if I want to a little.

Jeanie dressed the entire weekend and as provocatively as possible. People gaped and stared. She looked like a hooker. We couldn't get her to change. She takes off her makeup and nail polish for work but that's it. She is full female-venturing out without a thought. Our sex is so lesbian and his penis feels strapped on. She really is a girl. I rarely ever see that obnoxious boy anymore and that's a little sad.

I don't know if I'm special enough for this. While I can't imagine being happy in an ordinary guy girl relationship, I can't quite imagine never being attracted to a man again.

Oh, what to do!

I know what I shouldn't do.

Maybe I'm being tested.

1 comment:

Renee said...

This particular blog struck a chord with me. I can relate, in a way; I just had something end because I wasn't *normal enough* to make it work. And it really sucks to be *that* close, and still so far away.

Good luck figuring it out. :)