Friday, February 13, 2009

But you feel so clean...

What do you buy a Cross Dresser for Valentine's Day?

I waited until the last minute to decide.

Thank you Femulate for the most perfect way to get up the nerve to say be my valentine! After I printed it on to almond bonded paper, I framed it and gave it to Jeanie as a Valentine's Day Card. It will forever be a reminder of our first Valentine's Day together.

I also gave him the most engaging passionate purple dress. It makes me happy just to see it hanging on the coat rack in the living room. I actually enjoy just gazing at it. I want to see Jeanie in it but he has stubble on his face and he refuses to waste the moment of trying it on by not being able to totally appreciate his reflection in the mirror the first time he puts it on.

I can't believe I found true love. It's still new and clean and wonderful. We are still learning to communicate and express ourselves. I thought after years alone I would miss my alone time but I don't. He gives me space when I need it and I enjoy knowing he's right there if I need or desire him. It's comfortable and easy. It's exciting and wet. It's squishy in my hand and I throw it like a rock.

I must confess that a few of my favorite bloggers frighten me. What if Jeanie decides he's become so much a woman that he craves a boyfriend not a girlfriend. Even in the light that tonight he asked how I felt about being engaged I am seeing a few of you in the painful realizations that you've outgrown your spouses and I don't know if I could bare Jeanie falling out of love with me. I want him as my companion forever even if the fairy godmother gave him breasts and a va jajae and he wanted to sing soprano at the local baptist church.

Despite my fear, I will never suppress Jeanie's need to grow, experiment, and evolve into whatever he wants to be. I love him too much to do that and this is why I don't understand and what I don't dig but my backyard is different than yours.

What I mean is that my story is different. I have always been attracted to pretty men. I have dated cross dressers. I saw Jeanie before I knew that Gene existed. He was too young (29 to my 35) and he was so far away. I even thought he had a girlfriend and I didn't approach him like "Oh yeah, I'm going to make you mine" I came to him in curiosity and interest. It just turned into so much more on its own like people tell you it will but you don't believe them because you're single and wish to the Baby Jesus that it wasn't so.

And maybe that's the difference. Your mates met you as males and didn't have a clue about your secret closet in the trunk of your car.

I don't know what I face. I don't know if I should continue to fear what some of you have written to me as being inevitable in private emails. It doesn't matter this moment. I am merely grateful and if he desires, I'll always be along for the ride.


Lynn Jones said...

You can worry about the future, but in doing so, it won't stop it coming - perhaps worry only takes away the joy of the 'now'.

Not everyone out there in TGland transitions. Some are happy with their feet in both camps.

The Crossdresser's Girlfriend said...

Well said, Lynn.

Cassie said...

Hi There... I am so sure I'm gonna enjoy reading your Blog! The part about the purple dress made perfect sense to me.

I wouldn't want to try it on unless I'd gone through the complete process of preparing myself.

He's a lucky guy to have a Girlfriend who buy's him those things!

Chrissie said...

"What if Jeanie decides he's become so much a woman that he craves a boyfriend not a girlfriend."

E brought this up when I told her who I really was. It was pretty much her initial reaction. She quickly realised that the two did not have to go together.

The truth is that even after transition, one's sexual orientation tends to remain the same.

Many M-t-F's who transition, and then "develop" a desire for males, have simply been living under a deeper cover than even I managed, and in most cases they have in fact always been sexually attracted towards males.

But there are many like myself, and I would certainly think jeanie, who are girl's girls and that's never going to change.

Sezual orientation is not determined by Gender. I may be female inside. I may one day have the physical characteristics of a female, but I will still desire females in general, and E in particular.