Beside Me

While I'm not sleeping much these days, my dreams are strange and vivid. I dreamed I traveled to a tropical island where my mother was in the hospital giving birth to twelve babies. I dreamed that I met and fell in love with Jeanie but there were no feminine attributes-not even a single strand of transsexual eroticism but I loved my Jeanie just the same and when I woke up, I thought of how it might be without that aspect. Would I change my crossdresser if I could?
I don't think so. There are social astigmatisms to loving a boy who loves looking like a girl but that's just what other people think about and what other people think isn't any of my business. I'm beyond living a life based on the righteous properties of appearance. Being happy, living authentically and learning something new each day are far more important to me.
I learn a lot from Jeanie. I learn a lot about kindness, compassion, bravery, and love. Time with Jeanie is better than time spent with anyone else which has recently gotten me in trouble. I got a voicemail from Daddy asking me to call him so he would know I was still alive. When I returned the call my Stepmomma Pearl accused me of abandonment and stated that if anyone had died I would not have known. I figure the phone works both ways. It's the same distance from my house to theirs as it is from their house to mine. I really didn't mean to go so long without a visit. It was not intentional; it just happened but being scolded didn't make me change it up. If anything, it made me avoid being treated like I was a child with any further contact.. at least for a while.
People seem to get pissed off if you are too happy. I'm quite certain that people enjoy a little salt in their loved ones though I cannot imagine why.
Further I separate as I cling to the crossdresser. Maybe that tropical island I dreamed about is really where I'm residing and maybe my mother was really me only instead of 12 babies I'm creating jewelry. The whole process of learning techniques that supports the ability to give solidity to what began as just an image in my mind is powerful and totally addictive.
Perhaps giving up pot was a good thing. My clear mind has given way to wonderful new things and I'm grateful.