Tuesday, January 27, 2009

In between Days

When I go shopping and can't find a single thing I want, I know that I'm in between days; a term I use to describe a feeling that who I am and what I'm about doesn't quite fit anymore and change hangs in the air almost close enough to touch. With every step I take I am aware that I'm going in a new direction. Friends are becoming are strangers. Strangers are becoming friends. Everything begins with a thought and clearly I recall a thought last week. I was on my bed staring at my Buddha Goddess thinking, "What will it take to move me from here to someplace else to someplace closer to where I belong?"
This morning I got the call that begins the move. For some time, I've been renting from my Aunt J all with the promise I had the option to buy but never quite getting around to it. It was one of those things we spoke of in the beginning and just stopped speaking of as time went on and then she calls me to say she wanted to see me so she could talk to me about something. I knew that something would be easier just served straight out of the box and it was. She tells me that her daughter-the daughter who left her with the mortgage of a poorly maintained house was now reuniting with the husband she gave up for a much younger version now that she's pregnant (unsure if it's the husband's baby or the boyfriend's but who cares?). She had promised me that she would never do this to me but it was always a promise I knew she wouldn't keep. Your children will always come first no matter what a lousy job you did raising them.

I didn't speak in anger or hurt. I thought about ...the thought and that my Buddha Goddess heard my thought and it manifested. I am moving elsewhere though I believe it to be close. I love this neighborhood and The Scene Girl loves her school and friends. I will find something close but something new just the same. I don't know if I'm up for a move but instead of speaking of it in dreadful terms, over dinner we talked about all the things our new home will have that this one doesn't as well as the things we will no longer have to deal with and wondering if Sirena the Dog will be able to open the doors with her nose as she does now. We spoke of how lousy it was to get such short notice (less than a month) but how we will be sure to leave the house just as the rightful last owner left it (covered in dirt, two weeks of trash, dirty dishes, beer cans in the bushes, and walls covered in crayon and kool-aid). We wont of course, but it's a funny thought rather than to think of all the hard work we put into cleaning, painting, and redecorating.

The Scene Girl got her eyebrows waxed, fresh pink splashed in her bangs and her roots bleached to match the rest of the top of her head. While she was having her hair done, I was preparing for the job fair on Saturday and Jeanie was at a job interview on the other side of the building. The slump in the economy has left few jobs but they are abundant within my company. Tired of watching my Long Island Girl search in vain, I arranged an interview with a different division of my company. I wasn't just tired; I was frustrated. I lack in Jeanie patience. He lacks in my ambition. It went well and Jeanie starts on February 9th. We'll have to go shopping for boy clothes; probably at Goodwill. The thought of paying full price for boys clothes seem ridiculous to us both. I had hoped that Jeanie could find a lifestyle that would afford her dresses and stockings but a job like that is hard to find. Jeanie was approached to do drag shows but after witnessing one, he couldn't get up the nerve. He's not a drag queen; not even close. He's just beautiful and looks good in his you tube videos but that's not the same as performing live in a gay club. I would still like him to live out loud and in pink but we haven't found that place yet but maybe we are close...just in between days.

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